The Biggest Online Dating Mistakes Men Make

Dating has definitely changed from your parent's era, or even your own if you are an older individual entering the scene after a long absence! Today, online dating is everywhere and if the television and online ads are to be believed people are falling in love all over the place! Unfortunately, this is not really an accurate depiction of the online dating world. Sorry, no magical instant connections in most cases. Do not be alarmed, however, there are some things you can do, or more accurately not do to create a more successful experience. Here are just a few of the biggest online dating mistakes men make.

Bedroom Focus

What type of dating site are you using? If it is one billed as a romantic gathering place where most clients are attempting to find "the one", you are not going to get very far with a bedroom focused approach. Do not bombard the women with requests to "slip into something more comfortable" and take pictures or other such non-sense. There are places you can meet others with this same agenda, just be sure that is the type of site you are using if it is your goal! Otherwise you are going to wind up with a number of rejections and perhaps even a few women who will tell you where to go.

Read, Read and Read Again!

People are visual beings and it can be hard sometimes to realize you should read the profile, particularly if the woman depicted is as they say, smokin' hot! Yet, you really should read her profile because somewhere along the way there are bound to be some deal breakers for her, for instance if you smoke or drink. Probably one of the biggest complaints women have about online dating is the fact that men do not go past their profile picture. Remember, you are here to meet women you are compatible with on many levels, not just physical.

Long Winded

When you have mastered the above issues, it is time to send out some emails. While you should read everything she posted on her profile you do not necessarily have to hit every point in your return email. Sending her a War and Peace sized missive will likely get you relegated to the trash before the first paragraph is read. Keep it engaging, simple and short for the best results. Think about it, online dating clients are likely getting several emails per day!

Sites

Where are you spending your online dating budget? There are so many sites out there it is enough to make your head spin and you may be tempted to opt for the cheapest alternative. This could be a big mistake! You will be much better served to stick with the big names in the business, particularly if you are new to the process. These companies have a proven track record and a much larger clientele. More members means a better chance you will meet someone you are compatible with.

Final Thoughts

These are just a few of the biggest mistakes men make in online dating. Other things you will want to avoid are poor spelling, bad pictures, incomplete profiles (yours) and lying on your profile. What is the point of making yourself out to be someone you are not?

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He Said She Is Just His Friend - What Do You Really Think She Is to Him?

Relationships are always going to have their tough times and issues that you have to deal with. None really gets under your skin more so than becoming suspicious that your significant other might not be faithful to you. When you start to question that, it's easy to then start to question just about everything that you thought you knew about the guy you are dating. So, if you have a suspicion that your boyfriend might be getting a little too close to a woman that he claims is just a friend, what are you to do and what are you to believe?

Sometimes these situations end up being nothing more than what he says that they are and sometimes they end up being a situation where you find out that he is being unfaithful. If you are concerned about your boyfriend being a little too friendly with a woman and you think that this may mean that he is cheating on you, you have some questions that you need to ask yourself.

Is he spending time with her behind your back?

It's a lot more convincing that something unsavory might be going on if he is trying to hang out with his friend without you knowing about it. While there are some men who will blatantly let their girlfriend know that they are hanging out with a woman that they are having an outside relationship with, most are going to try and keep it a secret. So, if most of his time spent with this friend just happens to be behind your back, then I think you probably do have something to be concerned with.

Is it someone that he knows from work?

Men have been known to cheat on their girlfriend with a female co worker, but they have also been known to make genuine friendships with women they work with as well. This is going to be a lot harder for you to figure out if he happens to work with the woman. You might need to be a little more cautious in your assumptions, just remember that it does go down like that sometimes.

Are you ready to leave him?

This is something that you may want to think about assuming that you do find out that something is going on. There are situations where cheating does not break up the relationship, but there are many more where it does. You want to be prepared for what might happen if you do find out that your suspicions are true and the guy you are dating is having a little fling on the side.

So, is there any way to conclude that his female friend is something more? Not really until you have some evidence. What you may want to do is talk to him and let him know that you are concerned about where the relationship is going. Some of his answers may be able to let you get a much clearer idea on where his head is at, so that you know if he is willing to cheat on you or not.

Find The Love Of Your Life For Free - A Review of PlentyOfFish

Online dating is not the taboo that it use to be. At one time, it was thought that online dating was only for single, lonely, desperate people. This however is no longer the case, as people from all walks of life can be found on the dating sites. Online dating attracts roughly 1.4 billion consumers globally.

There are literally hundreds of sites to choose from, depending on what you are looking for ranging from simply just dating or if you are looking for your soul mate and want to get married. While most are paid sites where the members pay a monthly fee, some are free to use. This review is about one of those free sites, PlentyofFish or simply POF.

In 2003, Markus Frind, the founder and owner, launched PlentyofFish as a completely free online dating site and today has over 45 million users worldwide with 20 million messages sent per day, 40, 000 new signups per day, and over 1.26 million average daily visits per month!

According to the media tracker comScore, PlentyofFish draws a staggering 2.8 billion page views per month, compared to 723 million for Match.com, and has 6.3 million unique visitors, about the same as its Dallas-based arch-nemesis. And the newly launched PlentyofFish mobile app, Frind claims, has been downloaded by one million users.

Personally having been a member of both, free and paid sites, I have found that PlentyofFish offers the exact same services, for free, that other online dating sites charge for. There is however a great misconception out there that says you will find a better quality person on a paid site than you would on a free site and that is simply not true. Sammers and creeps have credit cards too and you will find them on any paid site, just as much as you would a free dating site.

Comparing PlentyofFish to Paid Online Dating Sites

Most online dating sites, both free and paid, will allow you to post a profile with photos, for free. Some paid sites will even allow you to see who has viewed your profile, but not much more than that. One very popular paid online dating site for Black people will allow you to see who has viewed you, allow you to send a flirt, or add someone to your favorites, for free, but anything else and you have to pay for it. Without paying, you cannot see who has flirted with you, or who has added you as a favorite, nor can you see who has sent you a message, let alone reading it or replying. Also, unless you are a paid member, you cannot chat with anyone or even see who is trying to chat with you. These are all paid features. It is absolutely pointless to become a free member on a paid site.

There is however, another popular paid dating site for Blacks that will allow you to communicate, by email, with a member who has upgraded to premium. Otherwise, if both of you are free members, the most you can do is to see who has viewed you, and send them a wink. They advertise that as a free member, you can send one free message to a member. However, what they don't tell you is that you will have to choose from a selection of subject lines and unless one of you are a paid member, this is all they will see - the subject line. In order to see the full message or reply to a message, one of you must be a paid member.

Then you have one of the most expensive paid sites that is completely useless to a free member, even on their supposed "Free Weekends." You cannot even see who has view your profile unless you are a paid member. And you can forget about any kind of communication. Some of these expensive paid sites promote some sort of Matching System however, PlentyofFish has used a free "Behavioral Matching Engine" for years that was featured on a 2007 segment of The Today Show. Frind says, "years before any other dating sites even knew that kind of stuff was possible. I feed it with nearly 20 billion pieces of data."

What Can You Do With A Free POF Membership:

* You can create your profile and pretty much write what you want, within reason. You can be reported by other users for inappropriate content. However, unlike other paid sites where your profile greeting and photos have to go through a screening process and possibly get deleted, your profile greeting and photos get posted to the site and is immediately viewable by others. No more waiting for your profile or pictures to be approved.

* You can communicate by system email and by system chat, completely free. You can also set restrictions to your profile which will keep certain people from even being able to contact you. For example, if someone is legally separated and you have restricted all married persons, then that person will not be able to contact you. However, if you contact someone in a restricted category first, then they can contact you.

* Basic search and Advanced search engines that will allow you to find exactly who you are looking for. You can specify about their Ethnicity, smoking or drinking habits, their intentions of whether they are just looking for a date, a long-term relationship, or even those who want to get married.

* "Meet Me" feature that allows you to say Yes, No, or Maybe to someone's profile. If you said Yes, they will be sent an email letting them know that someone wants to meet them. Also, if both of you said Yes, both of you will be notified of the Match. One caveat about this feature is that you do not get to choose whose profile you will look at. They are shown to you in random order and each person will know that you have viewed their profile.

* You can participate in the POF Forums, completely free. As a community of more than 45 million individual opinions and ways of experiencing the world, their forums are just another great platform that allows the users to come together to communicate and share with each other. Here you can begin a discussion, pose a question, offer your feedback, and start connecting with other local singles right in the forum. You can also have others review your profile for effectiveness.

* Announcements of Events for local singles in your area, including "Meet and Mingles". A free membership does however have ads on the page, and in fact, this is how they make their money. PlentyofFish's earnings, generated solely from advertising, are in the tens of millions.

PlentyofFish also has Upgraded features for a fee. With a paid, upgraded membership, you will be able to access your Ultra Match, see if your emails were read or deleted, experience POF ad-free, find out the date and time someone viewed your profile, and see who viewed your profile and you voted yes/maybe on. However, as you can see, from everything you can do for free, an upgraded profile is not really necessary.

Online Dating Tips for a Safe and Pleasurable Experience

This review would not be complete without some tips for safety and a pleasurable experience on any online dating site. If you were to do a search for PlentyofFish, you will find some negative reviews but I believe this all depends on the person's approach. With that being said, here are some things for you to consider when registering on any online dating site:

1. Be the person you would like to meet. If honesty and integrity are important to you, then do not lie in your profile. Also, just like lying, don't post photos of yourself that are 10 years old and then be surprised when the person meets you in person and wants nothing further to do with you. Be Yourself!

2. Treat yourself with respect. If you post provocative or almost nude photos of yourself then in your profile you say that you want a "God Fearing" man who respects you, guest who you are more likely to attract? The man who most likely wants a one night stand and who does not respect you.

3. Be honest with yourself about what you will or will not accept. This has nothing to do with compromise. For example, if you would prefer a non-smoker, don't settle for a smoker when that is not who you really want. Do not settle for anyone and most importantly, do not allow anyone to settle for you.

4. Beware of Scammers. Here are some signs that you may be dealing with a scammer. First, on a free site, such as PlentyofFish, it is free to use the system email to communicate so stay away from anyone who sends you their personal email address, in their first communication to you, and wants you to write them or who request your personal email address. Giving out your personal information is not necessary, at that point.

This also brings up the subject of profiles with no photos. They may say if you send me your email address, I will send you a photo. Don't do it! Granted, there may be legitimate reasons why someone does not post a photo but generally, I shy away from those types of profiles.

Second, if you receive a first message that is just glowing about how beautiful or handsome you are, then they proceed to tell you all about themselves, which is different information than what is on their profile, more than likely, this is a message that has been copied and pasted to hundreds of people. This may or may not be a scammer, but it is so impersonal that it is not even worth pursuing.

Third, if you receive a message that is in broken English and the style of writing is different from what is written in the profile, more than likely, you have a scammer. One thing I have noticed with my share of scammers is that they will not answer a direct question. And the most popular type of scammer is a widow / widower.

5. Most importantly, TRUST Your Instincts. This is so very important and can save you a lot of heartache. When you are viewing a profile and you immediately get an uncomfortable feeling, listen! You may think this is a little "woo woo" but the more you trust your instincts, the sharper they become and the less chance you have of being scammed. It doesn't matter how beautiful she is or how handsome he is, that feeling that something is not right is coming from a bonafide source. Don't forget, there are thousands of "Fake" profiles, along with fake photos to match, on both free and paid sites.

6. And finally, be polite. I respond to every message I receive, even if it is just to say something like this, "Thank you for your message. However, I don't believe we are a match but I wish you all the best in finding the one who is right for you." I have never had anyone come back with a nasty reply. Mostly, they either do not reply any further or they reply reciprocating their well wishes for my success. I have learned that people just want to be treated with respect and that is not hard to do.

If you follow these tips, you can have a safe and pleasant visit on PlentyofFish or any online dating site. I wish you the best in finding what you are looking for whether it is just friendship or your soul mate.

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Closing the Distance

My previous article was about having authenticity in our relationships. I slowly introduced the idea of "connecting" vs "conversing". Well in this article I'm going to cover how you close the gap between yourself and the world around you. For simplicities sake I'm going to lay the ideas out in a numbered format so that you can print and reference these concepts easily.

1) Be honest - Most of the time when you tell someone to "be honest" it's assumed that you're implying that they should tell "you" the truth and not to lie. However, while I still agree it's not a good idea to lie to those around you. It's an even worse idea to lie to yourself. Lying to yourself is how most ofthe world operates. Creating and altering their past memories and experiences to make them more palatable or perhaps creating a victimization of self rather than taking personal responsibility for a particular outcome. The truth has a certain "ring" to it whether you're sharing it with someone else or acknowledging it in your own life.

2) Be empathetic - Contrary to popular belief, being empathetic doesn't mean condoning bad behavior to those around you. It means listening without judging. It means applying your own personal experiences in a way that relates to someone who's experiencing something similar. When we're empathetic towards one another we actively show we care... and caring is a good way to connect.

3) Ask questions - Human beings LOVE to talk about themselves. I am no different and have been guilty of the same behavior. We love to explain and share our life experiences etc... So, when you make it a point to actually ASK questions to another individual it shows that you have a sincere interest in their world. Especially when your questions are aimed at core values. Things such as what makes you happy? In a perfect world how would you spend your time? What's your family like? These are all thought provoking questions that show a deeper desire to connect. Which leads to our next concept...

4) Listen - When you ask the question, shut up and listen. Don't start planning your response or analyzing what they're saying. Just be present, take notes if necessary and make a focused effort to listen. In today's information age the majority of people are inherently selfish and are accustomed to being ignored. However, when they're speaking/tweeting/chatting/skyping/texting or whatever, with someone who actually allows them the time to respond they sincerely appreciate it. This concept has been the one I struggled with the most over the years because I got in a habit of feeling like I always had to have "the answer" for everyone. But the truth is, sometimes people just want to vent and be heard. Give them that opportunity and they'll thank you for it.

In closing I'd like to say that this article was inspired by what I perceived to be extremely disingenuous "tweets" on twitter and other social networks by seemingly famous authors/speakers. Many of them seem to put out these "robo" type messages that while solid pieces of advice, lack a certain element of "heart" or sincerity. It makes me quite leery of people who enjoy critiquing and advising others as if they have no problems of their own. This "fake" behavior is why I wrote this. Because, real people want real solutions from individuals whom they admire and respect. The respect comes from being able to relate.

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Inner Game Power: Having the Right Mindset About Rejection

So much of your inner game confidence rests in your ability to have a strong and positive mindset. A strong mindset is one that will not be broken by a bad experience. A positive mindset reinforces you to reach your dating goals, generates a positive emotion, and is believable.

Here are some examples of positive mindsets when dealing with rejection:

1. Every woman I approach brings me one step closer to my next girlfriend.

Many men take rejection personally. They think that just because a woman is not interested, that it somehow reflects their own self worth. "If she thinks I'm not good enough, then I must not be good enough." Can you imagine how awful that mindset can hurt your inner game? You have no idea why that woman isn't interested. It could be because she is a lesbian, you are simply not her type, or she has a boyfriend. Besides, she doesn't know who you are. She met you for two seconds. Every woman you approach brings you one step closer to the woman of your dreams. If a woman rejects you, she is simply screening herself out.

2. To find that one out of a thousand woman, I will need to meet a thousand women.

You have to understand and accept in your inner game that you will have to approach a lot of women to find that really special lady. I probably approached thousands of women and of those women, I dated only a few for the long term in a committed relationship. You can bet that those women were very high quality because I had options and I met plenty of women. Getting rejected by women is a part of the process, no matter how good you are at picking up women. Don't let it affect your inner game.

3. I deserve the very best in a woman, and her being attracted to me is a great screening tool.

When you successfully meet a woman, but she loses attraction for you, this can sometimes hurt you more than if she rejected you from the approach. Remember, not everyone is compatible with you in the long run. She may have lost interest through no fault of your own. Maybe she started dating her ex boyfriend again. Regardless, you deserve a woman who will be attracted to who you are as a person and not someone she thought you were. You shouldn't have to emotionally manipulate or pretend to be someone else to keep a quality woman in your life. Doing so will only hurt your inner game.

4. Women that have great taste go for a guy like me.

Finally, placing a high value on yourself is important for your inner game. If a woman is interested in you, don't ever think it's because she is desperate, she doesn't see your flaws yet, or there is something wrong with her if she likes you. No, a woman who is interested in you knows a quality guy when she sees one. That is why she is dating you.

Rejection will happen throughout your life. Everyone goes through it, even the beautiful women you approach get rejected. Take it like a champ, brush the dirt off your shoulder, and keep going. Eventually, with enough approaching, you will meet the woman of your dreams.

Maybe You Do Have a Chance With Your Ex Boyfriend

Has it seemed like your ex boyfriend is just unshakable and you are not feeling as though you have a chance of being able to get him back? Well, things are not always as they appear. While you may be feeling like you don't stand much of a chance of being able to get back with the man you love, that may not be the case after all. Guys can be pretty good at covering up the way that they feel, especially when they still have feelings for someone that they used to date. Your ex boyfriend may seem like he doesn't want to come back to you, but that may be just him doing what comes naturally and that is, acting like it doesn't matter when it really does.

So, how would you know if you still had a chance to get back with an ex boyfriend? Here are some clues that you may want to be on the look out for:

1) Even though he seems like he doesn't want to get back together with you, he still finds the time to call you on the phone.

As they say, actions speak louder than words. Your ex boyfriend may want to act as though he doesn't have any attachments to you, but that may not be true if he is still calling you. The context in which he calls you up should give you some clues as to what is really going on in his mind. If they are late night calls, that may mean that he is just lonely, but if they happen to be during more normal hours - it may be that you are still on his mind and that is a good sign.

2) He'll hang out with you without any hesitation.

Does he still like the idea of you and him hanging out with one another? Does it seem like he jumps at the chance to get to spend some time with you? That may be a pretty big clue that you are still someone special to him and that would definitely be something that you can build on, especially if you want to be able to get back together with him.

3) He doesn't seem to be moving on.

If he doesn't seem to be actively looking for a new girlfriend, that can also be a good indication that you are still someone that he might go out with. It might be hard for him to even think about dating another woman if he still has deep feelings for you.

I don't think that there is any one clue that you need to look out for, though. It's more of a case of looking for multiple clues that your ex boyfriend is still interested in you. If you happen to see multiple signs that this may be the case, then you might just still have a chance to win him back.

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Making a Woman Emotionally Happy

What's the point of making a woman emotionally happy? Well, there are a lot of reasons to do this. The first one is simply that it is a nice thing to do to make another human, male or female, happy. Second though, is a bit more selfish. If a woman is emotionally happy, she is much more likely to start dating you if she isn't yet, and continue dating you if you are already in a relationship with her.

And another great reason that a lot of guys aim to be emotionally satisfying is that a woman who is feeling good emotionally will be a lot easier to please in the bedroom. That's just a scientific fact.

But how can you do it? First thing you need to know about this is that trying really hard isn't actually the way to go. If you spend every waking minute doing everything that a woman asks you to do, she won't find it attractive, and she won't feel emotionally happy. Maybe she'll feel financially happy if you buy her things, but finance is a lot less important than emotions. You need to stay a man while being nice to her, and that can be tough to do. If a woman asks you to do something you don't want to do, you need to say no. A lot of women are looking for men who can protect them, and if you can't even stand up to her, she'll assume you can't stand up to anyone.

Obviously though, there are things you can do to make her more emotionally happy. There are two basic things that women really want emotionally. They want security, and the want significance. So those are the things you need to give to her if you want her to be emotionally satisfied with her relationship with you.

So security wise, what can you do? If you have your life together, and you have a steady income, then you are totally capable of offering security. If you also go to the gym enough that you could fight off someone who was trying to mess with her, all the better.

Significance is a bit tougher. This is the thing that gifts like rings help with. You're showing her that she's significant by spending money on her, and that means you think her happiness is more significant that money is. And that can be a very flattering thing.