You're single. You're dating. One single step to take you to the next level.
So here you are. You're a hot single independent woman. Did you think that you would still be single now? Seriously? Did you think you would be married or at least partnered up by now with the man of your dreams? Well I thought I wouldn't be single for this long, but guess what? I'm so glad I am single. It has been so much fun and has played a big part in my development and learning to let go of control. Let me tell you something: you are also one lucky single mamma. Dating is a playground for you to figure things out.
Being single is awesome until you're ready to not be single. You could be with someone who drives you crazy and almost scares you out of your pants when your riding shotgun in their fancy sports car. You could be married to the guy who sees you as an object like one of his cars or his other toys. He could see you as a Barbie doll girlfriend just to impress the neighbors. Yuck.
You could be in a relationship and still feel alone and totally unhappy. You could be in an fulfilling relationship with someone who doesn't respect you, love you, take you out to dinner, buy you flowers or acknowledge your existence. You could live with a sports fanatic or a couch potato. You could be with someone who is totally lazy. One guy I was dating was complaining that he couldn't get on welfare. Ladies, please steer clear of this kind of guy, unless you want to be his mommy and pay for everything.
Or you could be dating a guy who has a gambling problem or drug problem. He could be a porn addict. He could have long toenails and wear sandals. Or he could wear socks with sandals, I don't know what's worse. You could be with someone who sucks you in and scares you with verbal, emotional, or even physical abuse.
You are blessed to be in such an empowering time for women. You are blessed to be single. Because women can live independently without needing a man. In the horse and buggy days, women and men needed each other just to survive. Women and men were totally dependent on each other. Women needed to stay home raise the children and make dinner, while their partners went out to kill a deer or build a barn. But not anymore.
We can work at a job, take our kids to daycare, and arrange play dates for our kids so we can go on dates. We can put on our cute boots, go to the store and pick up any kind of food we want. Or we can get takeout. We can hire a handyman to fix the leaky faucet or watch videos on YouTube and learn to fix it ourselves. We can help ourselves all day long.
But there are also helpful men everywhere, and women. Now I love to receive. I didn't know how to receive for a long time, I only knew how to give. Now I have some muscly guy friends, who I've gone on dates with, who have become friends that help me install my window unit air conditioner or jump start my car if I leave the lights on.
There are men everywhere ready to give to you, even if you're not interested in them romantically. There are men who open doors for you, and let you go first in line at the coffee shop. There are guys who will vacuum your car when you get your oil changed. We are independent, but we don't have to be totally independent.
Independence is better than dependence any day. But we are at a time in our single lives that calls for interdependence. When you are interdependent it shows that you are an evolved woman. This is key to having mature relationships. We can still make dinner, but we don't have to. We can let someone make us dinner, or pick it up for us. We can live independently and share our time with someone without being in control of everything.
Finding this balance for independent single women can be a struggle. I went from dependent as a child to still sort-of dependent with my husband, to divorced, successful and independent. When I got back out there and started dating, I didn't know how to be interdependent. I would sometimes fall back into dependence and put my whole world upon a man. Interdependence is beautiful.
I used to do temporary tattoos and do face painting at festivals. I would to set up a pop-up tent and I was in business. And it was MY business and I didn't need any help. I was dating a guy for a very short time, who went with me to one of my events. He wanted to set up the tent, but he was having problems, so I was "helping" him by telling him what to do. What he heard was "Are you so stupid, you can't even set up a pop-up tent?"
This didn't go over so well. He became frustrated and ended up walking away. If I would have let him figure it out on his own, and let go of control, things would have been much smoother. It might have taken longer to set up my booth, but he would have felt like a man, and not emasculated. I was so used to doing things my way, which was much more efficient, but I ended up making him feel wrong, and I ended up with no help, independent once again because didn't want to let go of the steering wheel.
One of my favorite quotes is " You can either have love, or be right." What would you rather have?
There was a time when women had a small tribe of men to choose from, or was it the men had a small pool of women to choose from? Dating in the modern world is so amazing, because the selection of single people is enormous! The world is your oyster and you are the shiny pearl that everyone wants. Just get online, set up a profile, and you will see, there are literally hundreds (if you're in a small town) or thousands (if you're in a big city) of single people that you could potentially meet and go out with. The possibilities are endless, open and exciting.
When you think about the grand scheme of things, we have plenty of blessings we can, write down and appreciate every day. Showing appreciation for the things you already have in your life will open other doors. I want to get you going on this gratitude list. Because when you take a few minutes to write down the things you are thankful for, it will help you feel good and put you on a spiritually higher vibration.
Everything in our life is connected, so the gratitude we have for other things in our life, will trickle down and boost our self-esteem, self-worth and overall good feelings about everything about ourselves and around us. If we take time to appreciate the things we have our lives will become even more full and meaningful. This is what we want to discover.
Take a moment and check in with yourself. On a scale of 1-10, how do you feel with 1 as not so good and 10 being the best. Now, I want you to grab a pen and a piece of paper and get started on your gratitude list. Then rate yourself and see how you feel. I have a sneaking suspicion that your number will increase!
This article is brought to you by Dating Advice Blog.
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