Relationship Advice - How Much Should You Try To Change Your Partner?

There are very few relationships where each person is completely satisfied with everything about their partner... everything being the key word. There are always going to be small annoyances our partner has that we usually think we could easily do without. Usually we overlook these annoyances in the same way they overlook our minor faults. But often there is a certain point you reach where you feel like you can't take it anymore. So, how much do you try to change your partner?

You first need to ask yourself why you want to change them. Is it because these are such terrible habits you can't possibly live with anymore? Are you the only one who would think these habits are beyond bearable? Or is it because it reminds you of someone else with the same "bad" habit?

If it is the latter, the last thing you want to do is use this as justification to ask them to change. People do not like to be compared to an ex. If your current partner begins to suspect this is what is happening, their normal inclination will be to ask themselves in what others areas are you comparing them to your ex?

Next, take a look at yourself and put yourself in their shoes? What if you had these habits? Would you give them up if your partner asked you to, or would you consider the request to be unreasonable? If you wouldn't consider changing, why expect them to?

Does this behavior embarrass you? Are you afraid it will come out in front of your friends of family? If it is that big of an issue where you risk being embarrassed or offended, then simply sit your partner down and relay your feelings to them. There is no need to be uncomfortable in public. Your partner needs to know how you feel. If they get mad, it might be from embarrassment so choose your words, your tone and the timing very carefully.

Is your request intended to better your partner or to make you feel better? If it is a self-improvement move for them, then tell them so. If you are doing it for your own gain, then either let them know the meaning behind it or let it go. Don't try to change them just because you don't like what is occurring. You might not be the right judge of whether it is appropriate behavior or not.

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