Going Through a Breakup? Helpful Tips for Getting Back Together

Have you just broken up, or are you afraid that a crisis is rapidly approaching?

Just because things are getting near rock bottom in your relationship, there's no need to give up on it. You can still put things right; or even get back together if you have already broken up. You just need to understand what went wrong, and the most effective ways to get things working for you again.

Start with the reason you ex gave for leaving you. Think about it carefully, but bear in mind that it may be a symptom, and not the real reason. Whether or not you have actually broken up yet, what has been going on between you for the last few weeks? What have you been fighting over? What has your ex been complaining about? This should give you plenty of clues about what really went wrong.

For now you should consider taking a break from each other while you both calm down and try to see things more clearly. If you have already broken up, then a period of no contact is vital if ultimately you want to get back together. You might feel that you need to keep talking in order to sort out your problems, but in fact taking a complete break from each other is much more effective.

• It will ease the tension of your situation, and give you time to sort out your thoughts, calm your anger and see things in some kind of proportion.


• You will get a realistic perspective of how important you are in each other's lives; how great a positive contribution you each make to the other's happiness, and much angst you give each other which you are glad to be spared. This will help you judge whether getting back together is the right thing for you.


• It will give you a chance to think about how your problems can be solved, and come up with some solutions.

While you are apart, it is a good idea to focus on yourself and think about ways in which you can improve your life. Then if you don't get back together, you will have a head start with moving on and sorting out your post-relationship life. And if you do, you'll be in much better shape to tackle your relationship issues and start afresh. Any, or preferably several, of these things will give you a start.

• Brush up your exercise routine - or if it is has lapsed recently, then take it up again. As well as helping you to look good, exercise releases endorphins which lift your mood, so you will feel better both mentally and physically.


• Decide to do something new that you will enjoy. If there is some interest or hobby you have been meaning to try, then this is the time. Otherwise you could develop a current interest and take it to a new level. You will be occupying your time constructively and the sense of achievement will be good for your self-esteem.


• Sharpen up your appearance. Think about a new look for your hair and wardrobe - it doesn't have to be a big change, just something that brings out your best features and gives you confidence in the way you look. Keep your partner's tastes in mind though - there's no point in adopting a look that they are going to hate.


• Be social - this will also boost you mentally and physically, and will add to your social value. Upping your social status will make you attractive to your ex, and give you a head start if you do find yourself leading the single life permanently.

Don't talk about your ex while you are apart to your friends or family, as you don't want recriminations or other dirty linen to become public. The last thing you want is for negative gossip or rumours to start spreading. Just say that there are problems between you, but that you hope you will be able to work things out. Either way, you wish your ex all the best. Showing yourself as classy and high value in a difficult situation will impress your ex - and you friends too. You will be establishing your reputation as a great catch for the future.

When you are sure of what you want, you can start thinking about getting back in touch with your ex. After spending time apart, things should have cooled down enough for you to be able to set up a casual date over coffee. Keep things light and fun, and don't be the first to mention the past. But if your partner does want to talk about it, then try to spend much more time listening than talking. You partner's feedback will give you the guide you need to plan the future.

By now you should know whether getting back together is a realistic goal, both because you will know whether it's what your partner wants, and whether a solution to your problems is possible. If that is where you are heading, then it's best to take things slowly at first. Get some romantic tension building between you, so that you have a strong incentive to give your reconciliation the best shot. Be ready with solutions to your problems, so that you don't end up back where you started. There is only so much momentum in any relationship, so don't waste the chance to get things right this time.

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