Monday, October 1, 2012

Are Dating and Career Compatible?

We were all pretty much born with a maximum amount of "pain" we can take before we start making poor decisions (best case scenario) or we just say "I'm out" (worse case scenario).

It doesn't really matter if you're an employee or an entrepreneur but at one point you're going to be faced with these issues: too many things to do, face people that you don't want to see, being stuck with an unfair boss.

All your relationships affect the "maximum pain you can take per day". Demanding friends take too much energy; kids, parents, girlfriends or wives might as well. Anyway we're not really here to talk about your kids or your parents but about women: sorry for the distraction (another example of pushing your tolerance). High maintenance women (irrational women) will suck away energy that can not be invested in better decisions or a clearer mind. They will interfere with your work in whatever format that can be: send too many text messages; e-mails; get jealous of your cute coworker; demand that you don't work late. If you want to be successful, you're going to have to balance that or make choices.

A loving relationship is a distraction

I find feelings/a loving relationship to be a complete distraction from work efficiency. If you're thinking about her you're not thinking about work or at least it's distracting you from your priorities. The more distraction: the less you produce and the poorer your decisions are. If she's not in your thoughts it also means that you don't really care so why stay with her?

Rational vs irrational women

If your career means a lot to you forget about having a high maintenance/irrational partner. She won't hesitate to interfere with your work and will demand to be on top of your priority list; putting your work second on the list. Rational women will give you more slack.

Blending into your company's norms (getting married and having kids)

In old fashioned companies it's still regarded as a sign of stability to be married and have kids. Not being tied up is a down side to climbing the corporate ladder in these (usually large) companies. If you're not the type of person to commit to a relationship you might want to switch companies. Anyway if this company is that old fashioned I want nothing to do with it: so should you.

dating a colleague

Each time I've worked for a company I have dated at least one colleague (although I've worked in companies with usually 70% of males. I've never worked in a female dominated company but it's an idea to be investigated). As long as your relationship is discrete it should be fine. Nobody can know about it though. If they do I hope that none of you are married because the rumor will get around. If both of you are not committed and it's found out: it's less of a big deal but it will be the center of conversations for a few weeks.

Be careful that the colleague you are dating is not irrational: if you do break-up it is going to be a pain facing her every day. Make sure she's not the kind to make a scene before you start playing with her feelings. Her crying and yelling in the middle of the open space because you slept with her roommate is not a career boost.

Relocation vs your lover

It might happen that you get a better opportunity in a different state or abroad (you might end up with a more interesting job but you'll also get to know a different culture/language: you learn more in the same amount of time). But can you commit to someone and move abroad alone? You can but will you stick with this commitment? Probably not. Can you move abroad for work reasons and hope that your gf will be fine with moving away from friends/family and blend in immediately? Probably not. That's why I can't be in a committing relationship: it doesn't comply with moving abroad (moving abroad also means dating locals: quite incompatible with having a gf at home). I moved to a different country recently and I literally told the girl that I was dating: "I'm going away for a few months: I can't promise anything about how faithful I'll be. You don't have to promise anything either". That works out fine: we've actually been talking about our "infidelities".

I like to take decisions on my own; if I want to move to a different country because it's exiting I just do it: nobody can be in the way, especially not a high maintenance girlfriend.

There are cases where women and career are compatible. It is the case when your girlfriend is a better employee/entrepreneur than you are. I'm not saying that I'm a great entrepreneur: this still has to be proven but I sure haven't dated a girl that is a better entrepreneur than I am. I really wish that this could be the case!

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