My previous article was about having authenticity in our relationships. I slowly introduced the idea of "connecting" vs "conversing". Well in this article I'm going to cover how you close the gap between yourself and the world around you. For simplicities sake I'm going to lay the ideas out in a numbered format so that you can print and reference these concepts easily.
1) Be honest - Most of the time when you tell someone to "be honest" it's assumed that you're implying that they should tell "you" the truth and not to lie. However, while I still agree it's not a good idea to lie to those around you. It's an even worse idea to lie to yourself. Lying to yourself is how most ofthe world operates. Creating and altering their past memories and experiences to make them more palatable or perhaps creating a victimization of self rather than taking personal responsibility for a particular outcome. The truth has a certain "ring" to it whether you're sharing it with someone else or acknowledging it in your own life.
2) Be empathetic - Contrary to popular belief, being empathetic doesn't mean condoning bad behavior to those around you. It means listening without judging. It means applying your own personal experiences in a way that relates to someone who's experiencing something similar. When we're empathetic towards one another we actively show we care... and caring is a good way to connect.
3) Ask questions - Human beings LOVE to talk about themselves. I am no different and have been guilty of the same behavior. We love to explain and share our life experiences etc... So, when you make it a point to actually ASK questions to another individual it shows that you have a sincere interest in their world. Especially when your questions are aimed at core values. Things such as what makes you happy? In a perfect world how would you spend your time? What's your family like? These are all thought provoking questions that show a deeper desire to connect. Which leads to our next concept...
4) Listen - When you ask the question, shut up and listen. Don't start planning your response or analyzing what they're saying. Just be present, take notes if necessary and make a focused effort to listen. In today's information age the majority of people are inherently selfish and are accustomed to being ignored. However, when they're speaking/tweeting/chatting/skyping/texting or whatever, with someone who actually allows them the time to respond they sincerely appreciate it. This concept has been the one I struggled with the most over the years because I got in a habit of feeling like I always had to have "the answer" for everyone. But the truth is, sometimes people just want to vent and be heard. Give them that opportunity and they'll thank you for it.
In closing I'd like to say that this article was inspired by what I perceived to be extremely disingenuous "tweets" on twitter and other social networks by seemingly famous authors/speakers. Many of them seem to put out these "robo" type messages that while solid pieces of advice, lack a certain element of "heart" or sincerity. It makes me quite leery of people who enjoy critiquing and advising others as if they have no problems of their own. This "fake" behavior is why I wrote this. Because, real people want real solutions from individuals whom they admire and respect. The respect comes from being able to relate.
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