Relationship Advice - How To Retain Mutual Friends in a Breakup

Breaking up is never easy, even when it's a mutual decision. But there is usually collateral damage involved in a breakup. One good example is mutual friends. What do you do? Never see them again? What if you do and your ex is there? Then what?

In order to keep mutual friends, you have to keep them out of things. This involves five different areas:

1. Don't trash your ex. No matter what, keep your opinions, and especially your anger, to yourself. Chances are, your friends know pretty much everything that has transpired, anyway.

Dishing your ex in front of your mutual friends does two things: it forces them to take sides and it makes them very uncomfortable. They don't want to do or feel either. They did not ask to be put in this position, so don't force them there. If you do, you will either damage your relationship with them or ruin it completely.

2. Don't ask their opinion. Again, this closely resembles choosing sides. If they agree with either one of you, they are being forced to choose who was right and who was wrong. While you will always want to be the one who is right, it isn't their call to make because the relationship is already over.

3. Even if they ask you what happened, be vague. Too much information could sway how they feel about you, or your ex. Besides, anything divulged has the chance of being repeated to your ex. Even if you ask it be kept confidential, once it leaves your lips there is no controlling who else hears it. Your friends might not repeat it to your ex, but someone they tell might not have as much control. What good will that do? Bottom line: don't say it unless you don't mind it being repeated.

4. If your friends try to talk bad about your ex, do not join in. If they choose to let them have it, it needs to only involve them... not you. You are finished with the relationship.

5. Realize sooner or later you are bound to bump into your ex while you are out with your friends. How do you handle it? If you have been decent about the breakup, they will expect you to continue this behavior even when you see the ex. If, on the other hand, you have trash-talked the ex but you try to be cordial when you come face-to-face, your friends will spot you for what you really are... a fake.

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