Are you looking for Christian dating help that will enable you to understand the reasons Christians end up in bad marriages? Here are the six most common reasons:
Poor boundaries. Poor boundaries cause you to pick people who are unhealthy and then to tolerate things that are unacceptable. Boundaries protect you because you have standards and say no to things that aren't good for you. With good boundaries, you would recognize the unhealthy things about the person when dating and would end the relationship before it became serious. The longer you stay in a bad relationship, the increased chance you will begin to excuse and tolerate things that you shouldn't.
Recreate childhood dynamics. This is done unconsciously with the purpose of giving you a chance to win battles you couldn't win as a child. If abandoned, you pick someone who abandons you and you try to make stay. If you tried to change your parents and it didn't work, you pick someone who needs fixing and you try to change so you can prove that you are powerful enough to do that and it wasn't your fault that you failed as a child. If your parents were unavailable, you pick someone who is busy and inattentive and try to make pay attention to you. If your parents gave you conditional love, you pick someone who you try to make love you unconditionally.
Influence for good. You first date someone who isn't equally yoked in their spiritual life. You justify it by believing you can influence the person to either get saved or to make a deeper commitment to faith. Then once you fall in love with the person, you don't want to end the relationship so you get married believing the person will change from your positive influence. It isn't unusual either for a person to show an interest in faith while dating and then fall away from it after marriage.
Inexperience in relationships. Christians often feel committed to the church they attend and have limited options on who to date, especially when the church is small. This results in less dating and less experience to help you figure out who is the best partner for you. It also results in being gullible and naïve when you get involved with people who are manipulative and unhealthy because you have limited experience in dating.
Misunderstanding God's will. Christians often have misunderstandings about God's will and use circumstantial evidence to prove that God has ordained things. Here are some of the ways they misunderstand God's direction: The belief that things "happened" in a way that God brought about; the belief that God spoke personally about the person; and the belief that God gave a Scripture that confirmed the relationship. God uses all of these at times; however, the direction that God gives should line up with the Bible, sound counsel, and be confirmed by the person being right for you.
Commitment to vows. Christians that make a commitment to someone sometimes feel they have to keep their commitment or they are a bad witness. This can keep them in bad relationships when they would otherwise end the relationship. Your commitment has to first be to yourself. If you recognize at any point that a relationship isn't good for you, you need to end it, even if it is at the altar.
No comments:
Post a Comment