Don't Issue an Ultimatum Unless You Mean It

Say what you mean and mean what you say. No doubt we have all heard this message at one time or another and needless to say, the value of this simple but very powerful saying cannot be underestimated.

Too often, people voice ultimatums to their significant other or make promises to someone, only to lack follow through.

One surefire way to lose credibility is to do just that. When you say you will do something and either rarely do so or are inconsistent with your actions, then the value of your word is lost.

If you want to lose credibility then this is the way to go. But if you want to be valued and taken seriously, don't give ultimatums or make promises unless you are ready to do as you say.

Let's first consider the word ultimatum. The dictionary defines ultimatum as a demand that is expected to be completed by a particular period of time and is backed up by a threat or consequence for lack of fulfillment. For the sake of this article, any ultimatums, threats or promises referenced here are strictly non-violent in nature.

In many scenarios, it seems that ultimatums are often get expressed in anger and frustration at the lack of action by another. For example, in a relationship, one partner may voice an ultimatum to their significant other by saying, "We've been dating for X amount of months, years, or decades and we need to either get married or I'm leaving ". Or, "If you don't stop drinking or cheating etc., I'm leaving you for good this time."

If you are a parent, you may say, "if you don't finish your homework, you can't go to the party" but when the time arrives and even though your request has not been fulfilled, you allow your child to go anyways. Your credibility is lost, especially if you do this time and time again.

Once the ultimatum is issued, and the other person's behavior remains unchanged, if the issuer of the ultimatum does not follow through on the promised consequences, their word gets devalued. Needless to say, the more often this occurs, the less their words are valued.

Similarly, on the flip side, aside from being the issuer of ultimatums, any person who promises or vows to do whatever they say, yet does not do so time and time again, also loses credibility. This could be as simple as promising to throw out the garbage or being the designated driver. Either way, the repeated lack of follow through on their part would demonstrate that they too could not be relied upon; their words hold no value when promises are not kept.

As we return to the original message of 'say what you mean and mean what you say', ultimately, the best tried and true way to keep your credibility is by being careful and consistent with your words and actions. By doing so, you not only gain respect from others, but from yourself as well.

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