I bet you have been going through a rollercoaster of emotions since the break up happened, and thoughts about what happened have probably been whirling around your mind. It's exhausting and your energy levels are probably already low. So step 1 is quite simple.
1) Give yourself a break from the stress and pain.
Although the break up and what happened may be all you can think about right now, now is NOT the time to disect what went wrong, or the possibility of reuniting with your ex.
Instead just see whether you can re-focus your attention elsewhere, even if it is just for short periods of time to start with. This means doing something to break the spiral pattern of thoughts and feelings. I am going to break this down into mini steps for you.
> Catch yourself every time you start to analyse what happened with the break up or think about your ex.
> Gently move your thoughts elsewhere.
> Do something else that is pleasurable to you and will distract you. This will be very individual and so you will need to find out what activities bring you enough pleasure to take your mind off your ex.
This little break you give yourself will do wonders to help soothe your raging emotions, quiet your mind and boost your energy back up a bit.
As an aside, if you are interested in getting back together with your ex you are MUCH more likely to have a shot at this once you have changed your vibe and shifted your energy a bit using step 1. But for now forget about trying to get back with your ex, now is not the time to be trying to think about that. The time to ponder on that will come later I promise, when you are feeling more balanced again.
2) Make a list of all the things YOU love to do.
Not stuff you did with your ex, but stuff that you as an individual enjoys. Pick things that really ignite your passion. If you struggle with this step it is definitely worth spending some time on, as you may have lost yourself in your relationship!
It's time to get out there and try something new. Join a social group, meet up with some old friends that you haven't had time to see for ages, get a hobby. And pay attention to what activities make you feel happy.
Now, make a list of them. Include easy, free things that you can do at home anytime, like cuddling the dog, as well as the things that require a little more effort and getting out the door.
Underneath this list make a second list, of all your GOOD qualities. Again if you find it hard I want you to spend some time on this. This list is all about YOU, and is designed to make you feel good every time you look at it. If you really can't think of anything list some qualities you would like to cultivate, and maybe do a little work on your self esteem.
Some examples of good qualities include 'kind' 'funny' 'enthusiastic' and so on.
3) Start thinking about dating other people.
And notice I only said 'thinking' you don't have to actually 'do' yet if you really don't want to (although personally I would recommend actually doing it). Yes I know this may feel premature and scary. However this is all part of the healing.
What I would like you to realise here is that this other person is NOT THE ONLY option in the whole wide world for you. Think about it. Visualise our whole big world, and all the men and women on it. Now, tell me that there is not just the slightest, little possibility that there could just be someone else out there who you can have a happy relationship with. Hey, maybe they will even treat you BETTER than your ex did!
And when you do start dating go into it with an attitude of just doing it for fun. You are NOT looking for 'the one' just yet, you are just getting out there to meet some new people. Think of your dates as 'practice' only and it will take all the pressure off.
OK. Now hopefully you are feeling a little bit better.
I want you to rinse and repeat those steps for the next few weeks, or however long it takes for you to feel better and more balanced again.
Then and ONLY then are you ready to sit down and think rationally about whether you really want to try to re-unite with your ex.
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